Pretend for $5

Seriously, while sitting here looking through for any gigs for work; i have two gigs out there but have not received any hits as of yet. Yes, you can get just about anything for $5.00, technically $4.00, the website has to make a buck too.  Ok, as I was saying, what people won’t do, is down right CRAZY!!!!

Now, y’all are saying “Jane, honey, sweety… you just wrote about an Alternative Lifestyle Event, so seriously?  How can you call something or anyone else crazy?”  Yeah, I know, right?  But still..  😉

Either they want WAY too much from you for your whopping $4 bucks or there are people willing to be your girlfriend/boyfriend/buddy/dog/lizard or whatever you need them to be, for whatever purpose – business or pleasure, via video or a period of time on say Face Book.  Ewweeee, really, be a pretend friend for 10 days on Facebook??  Am I that desperate?  No… but some people seemed to have been…

Ok, I’m done.   I just had to say Eeeeewwwweeee to someone else that might understand that, though there is a computer and we do use it for many things, including making a living.  That there are somethings it is safe to say, that go too far and for those that need to pay for a temporary pretend boyfriend or girlfriend on Facebook please, I beseech you –  Get a life! Get a pet!  Do something better with your time!!!

Words of wisdom for the day!


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Ranting About Doctors…

Just got back from my monthly appointment at Pain Management, today’s time was supposed to be set for 11:30am which is when I have to sign in by in order to be seen.  Now, this office takes people by their “scheduled time” so when I got there I had 10 people in front of me because they were behind “schedule”.

Pain Management is par for the course when you have RA.  Unfortunately, its run like a factory line here.  The doctor (no matter what field) sets up appointments, sometimes triple booking their time slots for that ‘just in case moment’, if someone calls out.  Most, however, don’t call out for Pain Management, because they NEED their pain meds to deal with each day, for whatever the cause of their pain.  Just in case you don’t know, Pain Management is where your doctor sends you to receive medications/epidurals that will be long-term pain med management use as opposed to going to them. YEAH! Another ‘Specialist’!

We’re supposed to trust these people.  We’re supposed to have faith that they know what they are doing.  In the practice of Pain Management, they can offer epidurals, tension shots, even migraine shots (I’ll never do that again) above and beyond the medication aspects.  It’s a band-aide, for whatever condition you have, but what are we supposed to do, when our options are pretty slim at best?  How do we get off this cycle?  Can we get off this cycle? Is it possible, when your doctor has told you, “you ARE NOT going to get any better.  You need to accept that this is your life and move ahead the best that you can”?

There are some wonderfully extraordinary examples of people that have overcome cancer or learned to walk when they were told they’d never walk again (and end up doing marathons) Damned over achievers. 🙂  Ok, so you read up on all that is out there that you can find.  You try homeopathic/natural ways, which you need to be very careful of because they don’t always mix with your traditional medicines.  You eat healthier and try to exercise, try being the key operative word – yet vacuuming the house – by others standards isn’t considered exercise. (Not to worry, it is by mine. Leg lunges, stooping, upper body – bicep/tricep muscles especially where furniture is involved.  I’ve come up with a concept for a whole body work out just doing everyday chores and getting the mail.  With the right diet and exercise and add in a trip to your local food market or favorite place to shop it’s a no brainer)  Seriously, just ask.

So how do we get better, if they keep us on the same hamster wheel?  If you are like me, you’ve been to more than your share of doctors and really don’t want to start from scratch with all new doctors, the whole trust factor – like having none.  I haven’t yet found that the hamster wheel is exercise in anything more than futility, but I guess if you look on the brighter side of things that is an exercise of the brain muscles.

Rant done for now.  Give me time, I have a Rhuematology appointment next week, I’ll have plenty to add after that appointment.  🙂



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Words are Power…

When my children were in school they had an assignment to create an ‘Alter Book’.  This meant a trip to the local Thrift Store to find just the right old books to play around with.  After many years, that one assignment, ended up becoming a craft made time and again instead of buying journals, they created alter books, eventually, I even created my own when I started talking to my Husband online.  It held all of these amazing fantasies, ideas, emotions meant only for His eyes and mine, oh and  WORDS, WORDS, AND MORE WORDS… His Words, my Words, OUR WORDS ENTWINED, I savored every moment making this Alter Book to bring to Him when I did finally meet Him face to face.  The spoken word and the written word were what we had for months because we lived so far away from each other.  We had pictures and the web camera. (Get your mind out of the gutter, nothing like that happened) It was all in the WORDS… (Of course, His voice is amazing and His eyes have always been oceans to drown in – so, ok, yes, that did help. *giggling as I look back*)

I’d like to share with you today the POWER that words can have on a person not just for one day, but for everyday of their lives.  These WORDS were written to me and to this day, they haunt my very soul and I drop to my knees in awe when I read them… (and I have read them for close to seven years)

As it is written to my question… (the question is unimportant)

“I’m not asking for blood alone, Im requiring COMPLETE ownership… “MY will be done” so to speak; your soul in the  palm of my hand to do with as I will. Complete faith and trust and love… unrelenting, tireless, unabated and raw.

And here is the answer you seek…

My desire is to be your guardian, your lover, your Master, your passion, your life force, your owner, your everything, and nothing more than that.  There is the answer you asked for, be careful what you ask and how you ask it darling girl.”

These WORDS were written to me; to take lightly these words, would be dishonorable, or worse yet a grave sin.  I took them to my very heart and soul, BEFORE THEY WERE EVER SAID.  Could YOU give this much to another?  Could you feel this deeply to the point of being “raw”?  Eventually being asked for your dreams as well as your waking hours, so that all revolves around ONE and ONLY ONE for life in every way humanly possible?

Communication is in words, in a glance, in a touch.  POWER, REAL POWER, is in your WORD(S).


Drowning in Awe,


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Each One, Teach One…

I just looked up at that, in the corner of my front page, as I was reading over my new post, and I can hear the womans voice in my mind, telling a crowd of people this.  I can hear her speaking personally to me, that its my time, and it should be… What is stopping me, except for me?  Am I not capable?  Do I not have enough to teach? (that sure as crap isn’t it)  I can’t put my thoughts cohesively together. Gotcha!

Keep writing and stuff starts to make sense.



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Dark Patch

With so much to get done, I am weary and stuck in such a rut.  I don’t understand why.  I know I saw a candle at the end of this tunnel several weeks ago, shouldn’t it be brighter?  I was told it would get harder, before it got better, but I thought that was only in regards to going to the meetings. (which I woke up late on Sunday, and missed the third one)

I can come up with reasons and excuses, none that I choose to accept, because I hope for better days, better answers, better anything quite frankly.  I’ve lived this life, as the care giver, not the one in need of care giving.  I’m the one that took care of everything for everyone that depended on me, and now, I feel like those that depend on me I let down.  I should be able to do better than this, but how?  I haven’t given up, I keep trying everyday.  The doctors are of no use or help.  That’s part of the reason I write.  Maybe, just maybe others will understand and offer their wisdom. (It would help if they were also menopausal women, because that I know is part of this whole ugly side of things)

1.)  Think positive thoughts. (Not one of my better qualities – even though I get the apps and read them. I even get the emails and read them)

2.)  Keep moving.  (I am constantly moving, because I constantly forget something, so I’m always up and down.  When its nice out I try to go for a walk, when it’s not so nice – I hit one of the nearby stores – not daily because I hate being around that many people and yes, I do understand the issue there.)

3.)  Do things that make you happy.  (I’m not sure what those things are anymore.  What I used to find joy in, hurts more now to do plus I’m so much slower at it. That’s not to say I don’t do them still, there’s more than one way to skin a cat.  Even typing hurts, there in the reason for the Dragon program)

4.)  Meditation.  (Got that in spades, not sure what to do with it, but got that one.)

5.)  Yoga.  (Can only do so many of the positions, but what I can do, I do.)

6.)  Eat Healthy.  (Got it!  I eat as healthy as I can and then some. Even been to a nutritionist/dietician.)

Am I missing something?  Anything?   I need energy.  I don’t have energy and it’s not due to lack of protein or intentional drive.  I want to enjoy this life.  I’m in the prime of my life, I’ve raised my birth children, my step-daughter doesn’t need “raising” she’s going to be 17.  This is the time where your supposed to be able to have fun and let loose, enjoy learning, do what is necessary, but enjoy life without the added pressures of kids walking in on you in the bathroom, or trying to kill each other.

Maybe that’s the issue, I’m looking for that fantasy I created when I was younger.  Thinking life would be something it’s not. Life has proven, its nothing I ever thought it was supposed to be, so why should this time in life be any different?  Am I just stupid or naive?

Even though I feel outta sorts on more occasion than not, I am grateful for each and everyday that I do have.  I am grateful for the opportunity to love my Husband, my children, my grandson, and my friends.  I am thankful for the life I have been given. Now if I could just feel something other than blah, like I’m fading into the woodwork, it would be nice.

In a dark patch of my journey,


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Yesterday, I reblogged, what I thought was an interesting article.  At the same time, it was a learning experience, since I’ve never “reblogged” before.  I don’t know if it’s due to my “theme” or due to my inexperience or a number of other nagging imperfections that I am able to come up with if i put my mind to it but it didn’t come out the way I wanted it to.

What I learned from it was that if I do want to reblog something, I would prefer to take the persons addy and stick a link to the article vs. reblogging because then I can tell you what touched me so much in their post.

Yesterdays post was wonderful. Stress, finding balance within writing, delegating (though the dog really doesn’t listen to me), the Myer-Briggs Personality type (Very entertaining) – I could go on, but all in all – it got me to read more of her work, checked out the people who wrote comments, and eventually reblogged it here… and felt like an idiot – because what I intended for the readers here to read, actually got written in the comments section of her post and stayed there after I deleted it here.  *shaking head*

What I should have said in the comments section, is thank you for reminding me why I started this blog.  I’m not a journalist, novelist, or even a columnist.  I’m just a woman who wants to use this media as a base to tell a story of the many lives one leads in the journey of life.

Simply put for yesterday – I learned a lesson I needed to learn as I have today, but that’s another story.

Thank you so much.


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Lets Reblog! Its Good Stuff!

Thank You so much for this article.  As I said it was quite enlightening, I hope others feel the same way.

Enjoy All,


Kristen Lamb's Blog

Writers are no strangers to stress. Many of us work full-time day jobs and write, or we balance a family and write, or we balance a family, a day job, and school, and write. There is just so much to keep up with, and few of us are blessed enough to have a secret lab with a death ray that will vaporize intruders….though I’m still saving. Frequently, writers will whine say, “But I just don’t have tiiiime. Writing and work and blogging and social media. There isn’t enough tiiiiiiime.”

Granted, all of us are spread thinly, but the thing is we have the same 24 hours as everyone else. Often we DO have the time, we just lack focus. We don’t have a time management conflict, we have a values conflict. Very often we have plenty of time, we just have values or beliefs or weaknesses that are devouring our…

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