As a Girl…

I believed in true love.  I believed in being married to ONE person for life.  I believed in so many rosy colored things, I can’t remember what that world truly looked like or can I?  As crazy as some will think I am, after reading the following, I still believe, that NOTHING is stronger than love.  I’ve felt all different levels of the word, including what some might consider too deep, too far gone.  Maybe for them, they are right.

I’ve been married five times.  This was not the life I had envisioned.  I’ve given birth to two children, not the ten, I’ve been pregnant with (Three ectopics, five miscarriages). I have lived a life that is full of unspeakable things, things I’ve done and things that have been done to me. Things that have changed my life forever, yet making me who and what I am.  A FIGHTER!  A fighter for LOVE, UNDERSTANDING, RESPECT, HONESTY, COMMUNICATION, TRUST, the very VALUES I tried to instill in my children and live by, not always well, but did my damnedest to always hold myself higher; obviously there were times  in my past that I was unsuccessful, however, other times I held my head high, as I do NOW!

When my fourth marriage fell apart, I was beyond ready to become a ‘nun’ (without my being a Catholic) UNTIL… Yes, I’m a masochist, (literally) but this time I waited, we lived together for three years, I even told Him “no” the first time He asked me to marry Him  because I thought He was joking and besides, we BOTH said we’d never get married again.  The second time, I said “yes” –  didn’t think He’d ask me a third time.  He has held my heart in His hands for seven years and counting…  There has never been a man like Him nor will there ever be another like Him.  I didn’t need to marry Him, I couldn’t have been anymore devoted to Him then or now for that matter, marriage just made it a legal binding contract, which also made it more appropriate in the eyes of those in our family that are religious.  I surrendered my entire being, soul, life, to this Man.  Now I’m not sure if ANYONE ELSE can TRULY understand what that means, giving over your entire being (everything) – surrendering yourself in all ways possible; literally; that you are capable and then some, to push beyond what you think you’re capable just for that person to be happy- there are people that say they can, but they can also leave, which means to me, that they DON’T  know. It is the deepest darkest depths of the ocean of love, to me at least, that I could ever go in this life.  It also tells me, I wasn’t just wearing rosy colored glasses when I was a kid, that this deep of love does exist.  Yes, it comes with a price, but one I, to this day, have been willing to pay.

So, don’t forget to look back at what you dreamt of as a girl/boy, don’t be afraid to say – it does or doesn’t exist, because one day, you might be proven wrong.  Though, I’d like to say it all works itself out in the end and we all live “happily ever after” or “we live the life we are destined to live” or some other madness; I can’t.  What I can say is NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER STOP TRYING!  NEVER LET OTHERS TAKE AWAY YOUR DREAMS, YOUR STANDARDS, YOUR VALUES, YOUR “YOU”!   (it’s easier said than done, time, time, and time again)

*This was taken partially from Lets take a moment to blog; which has now become  private, DO NO ASK, NO ONE WILL BE GIVEN ACCESS*


About janedoe68

I am anyone, everyone, and no one. I have lived many lives, under many different names. I could be your best friend, your sister, a neighbor, your boss, your daughter, your mother, an enemy, a confidant, even your grandmother. Yes, I have lived and I have been all of these things at one point in time to someone. I am a multi-faceted woman. I write anonymously, to be heard not for who I am, but for what I have to say.
This entry was posted in faith, Life, love, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Thank you for your comments!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s