My Brain is playing a game with me today. Hell, if I’m honest, it plays one with me everyday. Today, I’m writing about it… This is the trip its on, I’m on… How can one person believe in so many contradictory things so whole heartily? Self Accountability/Full Subservience (whole heart & soul) bring in to the picture faith, however the organized religion would teach that all that I know, who I love, including family members is wrong/bad and hated by God, therefore should be hated by me. Conflict.
Add to the conflict, a feeling that doesn’t go away; that I can’t explain – emptiness doesn’t fit, because its full – overwhelmingly so. Depression doesn’t work, cause I’m not or maybe I am a little. Overwhelmed seems more acknowledging to it, just not sure whats overwhelming. Again, sounds like I’m a blithering idiot, though I am not. So, here I shall play along for the time being. The game is a foot, as Sherlock Holmes would say.
Olympic athletes learn their craft from a very young age. Some would say it was their life. Much like a Gymnist, that has been in gymnastics since they were two and capable of walking; so too, some people spend their whole lives being raised with or “created” for a certain position in this life. They put everything on the line, they learn everything they can, do everything they can until that day when they have the opportunity to make the “Olympic” trials – where only the best of the best are. They are chosen, and given the one in a million chance. Everything in life is right, everything is perfect, everything falls into place until…
They trip and fall, break a few bones, tear a few muscles and become weakened. They don’t back down; they fight. They don’t give up; they stand tenaciously all most defiantly. They won’t have their hopes and dreams taken away from them by anyone or thing; they refuse to throw in the towel. They go through all of the motions, all the while getting help when they could, for whatever ailed them at the time, a little here and a little there. It took care of the the aches and pains, but not the tears and rips or broken bones; those heal, grow back, just not always the way they are supposed to. However, they were still capable and able to use to go the distance or that’s what mattered in the end, right?
The mentality of a person, the one that gives their all, tirelessly, patiently, pushing themselves to the edge on a daily basis, for what? Reward. This mentality can be seen in people that are athletes to those that are martyrs. Reward sounds so selfish, would you call mother teressa a selfish person? Yet, she spent her life giving to God’s people. (Not the best example, just the easiest) What would an athlete do if they won 10th place at the Olympics? (Besides say “I was just so grateful to have been there”, please! You go there for one of three places nothing else matters. Anything less, is not worth the time) Do you know a 10th place Olympiad? No? Why? Because it doesn’t matter!
Reward for what them? For a lifetime of experience and effort? For what? Where is this going? Why was this important to write out? I guess I’ll take it and continue on where it leads me…
another question to ask, is it my ‘brain’ or my ‘mind’? are they the same? Am i going nuts cause I damn well feel it?