Windows of the Soul… Part 2

Do you have a disability with multiple symptoms, complications, or multiple illnesses?   That if you exert too much energy, being a relative term, you pay for it the next day or more?   I am but one of many in this position, yet it feels like a lonely path; like no one else has walked in my shoes or could understand.    Yet, if you truly think about it, you know that you’re not alone; there is someone out there that has it worse than you, there is always someone who has it worse than you.  I’m always partial to the commercials of all the children that are ill, that normally gives perspective back to me.

So here I sit no concept of time, due to a migraine. If you have migraines you’ll understand what I mean by no concept of time.  My eyes are shut, I’m using Dragon to write for me and correct for me. I feel that I have failed even though I have gotten chores done; I have done laundry, dishes, dog poop duty, I’ve even gone outside and gotten the mail and am even this post today.  I feel guilty, because I fell asleep and didn’t hear the phone ring when my husband called at lunch time.  The fact is I live with fatigue on a daily basis.  I can take five-hour energy (Stacker) and drink it, within two hours; I can take a nap for at least an hour and a half to two hours or more. I drink protein shakes, I do what the doctors tell me, I take multivitamins, I take super B complex, I take B12, and you name it I do.  However, my exercise regime, is next to nil. Why you might ask? Over the past year and a half I’ve battled with something that the doctors have no answers for, severe weight loss. Now some of you might be saying “oh you poor baby”, but my lowest weight has been 85 pounds and I’m just getting back into my 90’s and I’m 5’4”.  All-in-all this past year has been a battle for my life, causing more stress due to multiple doctor visits, adding to pre-existing depression, causing strife and anxiety in turn causing more stress.

Do you recall my saying that we should look within our windows and clean them?  This is what I’m doing now.  I found that being a multifaceted female means that I have many windows to clean.  My windows are not clear, my windows are made from stained-glass; beautifully handcrafted stained-glass. Through the years there has been a lot of wear and tear; it’s inevitable for all of us.  However, I can see where panes have fallen out and I replaced them with what I had available to me at the time.  Time takes its toll on all of us, we falter, we stand up and brush ourselves off, we move on. Within this process we hope that we have learned something along the way, while cleaning our windows, gluing everything back into place, trying to live life to the fullest as opposed to falling apart, but time takes things away from us.  Time is an enemy to us all, we only have so much of it, and so we need to do the most with it that we can; no matter what our situation is.

Even though I don’t always practice what I preach, remember no matter who you are disabled or not; live this life to the fullest.  Though you may feel that you have failed today, brush yourself off, and never give up, for tomorrow the sun will rise again or so we hope.



About janedoe68

I am anyone, everyone, and no one. I have lived many lives, under many different names. I could be your best friend, your sister, a neighbor, your boss, your daughter, your mother, an enemy, a confidant, even your grandmother. Yes, I have lived and I have been all of these things at one point in time to someone. I am a multi-faceted woman. I write anonymously, to be heard not for who I am, but for what I have to say.
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